There, I have said it. I am wearing underwear today. It’s not a huge statement, but it is the truth that’s hidden beneath my new jeans that are currently choking the life out of my nether region.
Well shit, I was trying to go for a symbolic entrance about how it’s just one layer away from the raw unadulterated truth. But somehow the whole new jeans that hurt to wear thing muddled my start. So I will just have to jump to a new paragraph and just get on with it.
Today I am 36 years of age. Not old, just of age. I am still insecure about my weight, my current job, and where I am going in life. This much has not changed, and it’s somehow not that far off from where I was over 15 years ago. It strikes me as odd that this much has not changed. Yes, there have been a lot of other changes, but these things have not. I still feel fat after losing 30 lbs. I still feel like a dipshit who is stuck in a job he does not love, and I am still not being hoest with myself about who I am. This is where we get to the underwear part. This is the surface, or coverage area that is just above the raw truth. Below all of this is the naked stuff in all it’s glory. And although this might sound like the entrance to some hardcore erotica. It’s not. Just a weird comparison during a short reflective day in my life. The day I turned 36.
We all do this when our birthday comes around, regardless if you hate the day or love it. But I am not going to go into that. This is not about you or anyone else. It’s about me, and where I am at.
Too often I have kept quiet about how I feel and what I think about anything and everything. I walk the proverbial middle road, never concerning myself with getting hit. It’s better to be amiable, even adaptable so that I never offend anyone. All this has ever done is get me into a place of anger. Not at anyone in particular, even if it’s easier. No, I am angry with myself, angry for not saying what I think or feel in the moment and being 100% honest with anyone. And this builds over time. To a point where it clouds everything I want to do. This will not do. So I think the best course of action is to not do this anymore. Ever. It’s time for me to speak my mind and damn the consequences. I think this will help me open up and spend less time worrying about what I think others want me to say, and to just say what I want to. I will start small of course, and build from there. And I think the first thing I will say is that I might not wear underwear tomorrow. Just to see how it feels. And hopefully there are no zipper accidents that might cause me to pause when doing this again. It’s a good start for 36, even if it is symbolic in example. Right?